Positive reinforcement through praise, rewards and shared experiences is the other side of the discipline equation. By reinforcing positive feedback you are, in fact, steering your child in the direction of the behaviour you want to encourage. This also allows improving relationships within the family unit between parent and child and also between siblings.
Too often parents find themselves struggling on numerous fronts. Behaviour may have deteriorated to the point where each day is a constant battle, from first thing in the morning to last thing at night.
Sometimes it is very difficult, when you are overwhelmed by the issues you are trying to cope with, to notice that there are aspects of your children's behaviour that deserve praise and approval and how encouragement will have an amazing effect in turning naughty behaviour around.
Children are incentivised to carry on behaving well when good behaviour is encouraged and rewarded. This also builds self-esteem so they are motivated to continue doing well.
Positive feedback has an effect on your child and also the whole family. It builds trust, respect and self-esteem for both parents and children.
How to praise your child
When praising your child, use a tone of voice that has enthusiasm in it. When people are talking to babies they instinctively go up a pitch. This is the same tone you should use when praising your child. You can also use some body language to show approval and reassurance -- a pat on the back, a hug and kiss or even just a smile.
However, be mindful of your child's age and abilities. An older child will think you are belittling her if you praise her the way you would praise a toddler. Teenagers generally will not thank you for dishing out too much praise in front of their peers but they still need as much positive feedback as the younger child.
When you caution your child, say why you are warning them and identify the bad behaviour. Likewise, when your child is behaving well, tell her what she did right and how it makes you feel. If you don't identify the good behaviour, how will your children know what they're being praised for?
Parents sometimes do not notice when children are behaving well. This often happens because of too busy taking advantage of the peace and quiet and getting on with housework. Remember, when your child behaves well it's not a twist of fate.
Often most parents only reward their children with attention when their behaviour is not so good. This can be a difficult pattern to break. Children love attention and if they don't get it when their behaviour is good they will try getting attention by behaving poorly.
It is often difficult to notice good behaviour in one child when another is constantly acting up. Certainly, you need to deal with the poor behaviour. But do not forget to praise the child who is behaving well.
Like warnings, praise and approval must be given on the spot for young children. An instant response will help them to connect good behaviour with positive attention. With older children, approval can be shown at intervals throughout the day.
When putting children to bed, it is good to remind them what they did well during the day and how it made you feel. Dwell on the positives and park the negatives as you will already have dealt with that during the day.
No matter what size your family is, children benefit from one-to-one attention from their parent/parents -- it strengthens their sense of self as a unique person, with their own likes and dislikes, and gives them a chance to develop their own personality.
It is suggested that every child gets some time every day with their parents alone. It might be while you are dropping them to a class, or when you are bathing them at night. What is important is that it is consistent.
How you divide up individual time is a task every family needs to work out for themselves. At certain times in a family, one child may require/demand more quality time than his/her other siblings. This is often associated with age/illness or challenges that life has thrown at them.
Can I praise my children too much?
I think you can never be too generous with praise. However if praise is dished out undeservedly and for no reason your child will become immune to your efforts, and in fact what started out as a great intention may well end up having very little effect.
Many parents save praise for the big stuff children do well and often let the little stuff go unnoticed. Praise helps to guide children in the right direction and also helps them in building their self-esteem. When children deal with their behavioural issues effectively, reward them with praise. This can often turn a difficult situation around.
Praise can be so much more effective when you reward good behaviour that might otherwise have gone unnoticed. For example, if children are playing together quietly, sharing their toys and turn-taking.
When you acknowledge children's efforts/behaviour by praise or rewards it gives children confidence knowing they are on the right track. It doesn't spoil them; it acknowledges their capabilities.
How do I make reward charts?
It is important to match the reward chart to the age of the children and also to their interests. Very young children respond well to something simple, bold and bright; older children may prefer a design or picture that appeals to their imaginations or relates to their favourite activities.
I have found that using reward charts, alongside discipline, to help reinforce good behaviour gives a child something to aim for and provides instant gratification. At the same time, if a child behaves badly, they go down a place on the chart.
If you have two or more children, each child will require separate routes on the chart, ladder, stepping stone, leading to the final goal. As children get older it may be helpful to look at team effort so they will all benefit when the team does well.
The reward for reaching the final goal needs to be decided when you are creating the chart. Try not to be too materialistic. It is better if it's something you can do together, such as extra time at the park, extra story at bedtime, going swimming etc.
Positive feedback can change the whole family dynamic. It brings fun and love into the picture -- what family life is all about.
Source:
IndependentIE: How the power of praise benefit children?
By Grainne Ryan
Monday June 01 2009
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